By: Nick Rodham Churchill
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for space programs. In fact, when President Obama spoke seriously about completely handing over NASA to the private sector (a move that would have promoted the commodification, commercialization, and ownership of space and space exploration) I spent weeks attempting to convince friends that it was a bad idea (their argument being that America is broke, so space should go). The problem with space exploration is that it’s intangible for most people. The “real returns” are difficult to see, but the intangible, emotional, subconscious “bang for your buck” is literally invaluable for people and for society.
Having mapped our entire planet and worked tirelessly to make it uninhabitable recently (BP Oil Spill, Climate Change Denial, etc.), space is something that has the potential to leave us inspired, hopeful, and believing there is more to life than what lies before us. It’s mysterious, adventurous, and unknown. With an annual price tag of just under $20 Billion (compared to the Defense Department’s $660 Billion), I’m wondering how we can really afford to cut the budget at all.
Still, I’m kind-of hating this fake mission to mars at the minute. Why? Because it denigrates the mystery, the adventure, the legitimacy, and the grandeur of space travel. This may comes as a shock since I am so pro space, but this “project” is not pro-space in the slightest. Despite every attempt to spin the story to “prep work for a visit to Mars,” the sponsoring countries have neither the finances nor the technology to actually get there. The real spin is that the applications to participate were sent out globally and anyone could apply (by anyone, I mean MEN ONLY, as women were not allowed to participate). You did not have to have any special skills. In fact, the “flight captain” has never flown a plane before. Good one.
What is the simulation, you ask? These six men are going to be locked into a small corrugated metal shack with no windows for 519 days somewhere in downtown Moscow. They won’t experience weightlessness or radiation, which are the two biggest hurdles. They will, however, be given video games and the internet (which they would obviously have on their way to Mars). They have to figure out how to ration their food and will be in constant contact with a “control center.” To be honest, it sounds like a space-themed extended version of “Big Brother.” In fact, one of the coordinators of the project said the following:
“Imagine them all flying off to Mars together. At first they are friends, concentrating on the mission. But then one lands on Mars while the others wait … Jealousy and conflicts flare up on the way home.”
I mean, WHAT? This just sounds like more fodder for celebrity magazines like In Touch and Hello. “Oh my gosh, did you see last night’s episode of Space Shack: Mars Edition?” Yeah, Eddie got so mad at Bobby for using the internet longer than his allocated hour so he BROKE one of the Wii remotes. Now how are they going to exercise?!?!”
I hate it. I really really hate it.
SPIN DOCTORATE 