Spinnit’ To Winnit’ – Australia Is Having An Election!

By: Nick Rodham Churchill

For those of you who don’t closely follow the news in Australia (so most of you) there is an Election on!  While there are many parties full of many “ideas,” the “big two” seem to be doing all they can to say as much as possible and yet seem to be saying nothing at all.  This year is a bit different for Oz – there is a woman at the top of the ticket.  While this is something that would stun, shock, and inspire Americans (or probably even Canadians) Australians claim it matters very little to them.  Still, when I get to my “Election spinning – I mean winning – themes in a second, you’ll see why I simultaneously don’t believe that’s the case.

There’s been the usual kissing babies (no, literally, the news has a “baby-kissing” counter and they’re keeping a running tally of which leader – Gillard or Abbott – kisses more babies) and moral-filled proclamations of the highest refuditude (did you see what I did there?  I made up a word.  It’s all the political rage now).  On paper these two leaders seem quite different.  Gillard is an un-married, childless red-head who has been at the heart of Labour’s left for 20 years.  Abbott is a devoutly Catholic, short, balding man who just competed in a major triathlon and says curse words on a regular basis.  He’s wildly entertaining.  So then, you’d think their policies would be quite different as well.  Well, they’ve been spun as such.  Labour is all about “Moving Australia Forward” while the Liberals are “Standing Up For Australia.”  See.  Quite different.  And on the issues, well…

Jobs:

Labour: We’ll create them.  We promise.

Liberal: We’ll reduce taxes.  That’ll create them.

Labour Laws:

Labour: We invented them.

Liberal: We won’t change them.

Green Energy:

Labour: Tax Carbon.

Liberal: That’s not the answer, but we’re not going to tell you what is.

Immigration:

Labour: You’re not racist for hating asylum seekers.  Lets secure our borders.

Liberal: We’re pretty-much racist.  Lets secure our borders.

Outfits:

Labour: “Gillard was out today in a lovely polka-dot ensemble complete with red chiffon top.  The pearls were back, as were the high heels.”

Liberal: <Cue Silence>

So then, what’s the difference?  Well, one of them is a lady and she’s wearing pretty clothes.  Oh, and her partner is a former hair stylist who does a mean blow dry at 4:30am.  And that is how you win an Election!

Photo Courtesy Of: http://www.smh.com.au/federal-election/kristinas-stinky-government-wont-make-julia-on-the-nose-20100719-10gxt.html?rand=1279507516610

Spinning Football (Soccer) As Communist

By: Nick Rodham Churchill

In the good old US of A, football (from here on out referred to as soccer – it’s name in the good old US of A) has never found an audience like it has in the rest of the world.  We have a slew of our own sports that we play seriously on our own, and we don’t want anyone else to join in, so stay away!  We call our championships things like “The World Series,” despite the fact that the whole world doesn’t participate.

The interesting thing about soccer, however, is that it remains the “most played” game in America for children.  Why is that?  It’s cheap!  There’s no real equipment or uniforms, save for cleats and shin guards.  As more and more people found themselves hard up in the late 80’s and early 90’s, participation skyrocketed.  “Come on little Jimmy, I know you want to play baseball but soccer is just as fun [and way cheaper, which means we can also buy that new TV I had my eye on].”  Needless to say, my generation – early 80’s babies – grew up knowing all the rules and understanding “The World’s Game.”  Now here we are, mind-twenties, and the World Cup is happening!  We’ve probably traveled outside North America, which means we “get” that there are more countries beyond Canada and Mexico, and we LIKE the idea of participating with them.  Imagine that!  To top it off, Team USA is actually quite good!  So we watch, and we watch in HUGE numbers.  In fact, more people watched Soccer than watched the NBA finals!

This seems like a good thing, right?  People coming together, supporting their country, rallying behind something, and engaging with the world.  This is true, of course, unless you’re Fox News.  In fact, Fox News – who aired many of the games on cable – used the newfound popularity of Soccer to launch an anti-Democratic tirade about how Soccer is part of a broader Democratic Communist plot to turn America into a “World Country,” asking poignant questions like “why do we want to play with the rest of the World anyway?”  I know what you’re thinking – HUH?  But it’s true, according to Glen Beck (who has literally millions of viewers every night).  Now THAT is spin.

I’m gonna go with no.  I’m gonna go with the notion that this is good for America, especially in the current context of unemployment, recession, and general sadness.  I don’t know why Glen Beck is so hateful and so wildly angry at the notion of Americans being proud and patriotic, but I’d like to see him watch this clip and tell me he doesn’t feel just the slightest bit of patriotism, pride, and exhilaration.  Well done America.  WELL DONE!